8.19.2010

Sad times...

I know it's been almost a month since I last posted here! A lot has been going on in my personal life for awhile and so I haven't had time, nor felt particularly inspired to blog.

I've been spending pretty much every evening with my boyfriend, Ryan, for the past two weeks, and the week before that, we went on a 6 day trip to stay with my aunt and uncle in Louisiana. See, Ryan's moving into his dorm at UNT, 300 miles away from here, on Sunday. He's leaving tomorrow morning. I'll see him around 7:30 for a few minutes, and then...I'm not sure when I'll be seeing him again. I'm hoping to be able to visit him sometime in September, but I'm not sure. The next time he'll be in town is the end of October, for my birthday and Halloween. We're hoping to be able to see each other once a month until the summer, but nothing is certain.

Of course, we'll have Skype dates and phone calls and we'll be sending lots of pictures back and forth. I'm just having a surprisingly hard time getting used to the fact that I won't be seeing him every day at school any more. Even last year, when we didn't have lunch together or any classes...I still saw him, still walked with him to my dance class every single day, still got a hug and a kiss before he left. We went out to eat once a week and had plenty of movie dates, at my house (or his) and at the theater. He's my best friend. It's just really upsetting to me that he'll be so far away for so long...

I've been on the verge of tears almost constantly for the past few days. I'm not worried about our relationship or anything, it just hurts so much for him to be leaving. Things keep hitting me: I'll see a movie trailer and say, "We should see that!" and he'll reply, "Well, I probably won't be here..." Or I'll pass a Starbucks and think, I want to go back to the last time we went together and just freeze it. We saw a movie together last night and when we left, I was happier than I can really ever remember being before, and later I thought that I would've loved to just keep walking forever, arms around each other, laughing.

I've never had a friend like Ryan. I trust him so much, he makes me so happy. I can't cry or be angry or upset around him. All of our fights (rare as they are) end in laughter and both of us apologizing for being stupid. He knows everything about me. I feel so connected to him, like no one else I've ever met. I just want to be with him forever.

This is probably the most personal thing I've ever published on this blog, but I just want to get these feelings out. I've told Ryan, over and over, but it helps to say it more and more. I think I'm getting better, too. No less hurt, but less worried, more ready and willing to face the future. Because I know that even though I'm going to have to say good bye to him in the morning, even though I'm going to have to watch him drive away, he's always going to come back to me.

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you so much for commenting! XOXO

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...